Bruce Vincent’s Guide to Leprechauns

Okay—you’re going to shake your head and say “This guy’s nuts!” when you read this, but then again, I bet you didn’t pay for your Honeymoon tickets with leprechaun gold either, now did ya? This is the stuff I learned straight from the leprechaun’s mouth, and it is the truth—whether or not you believe it.

First of all, leprechauns are not little men running around in green suits. My friend Ólchobhar is darn near eight feet tall, and he gets REALLY testy when you mention the stuff about “the little folk.” They are strong as bulls, male and female alike, and don’t arm-wrestle one unless your insurance is good.

It is true that they have pots of gold…but they have been saving up for centuries, and it’s their nest egg. Don’t go looking for it. Would you like it if someone stole your kid’s college fund? I don’t THINK so.

The breed is slowly dying out, because there are very few leprechauns left. It’s hard to get a date when you look like the jolly green giant (but don’t tell Ollie I said so.) The Irish countryside has been their home for a thousand years or more, but the ones I know are thinking of moving to Miami.