It has come to my attention that there is a growing problem in our nation...zombies. It is becoming harder and harder to tell who is a zombie and who is not. Even with the aid of such informative sites as How Do You Know You Are Not a Zombie? we still sometimes have trouble telling the difference.
To aid Roxanne and me in our never-ending battle against the forces of darkness in general, and zombies in particular, we have devised a bumper sticker for you to attach to your car certifying that you are NOT A ZOMBIE*. That way, we don't have to waste our limited hunting time pulling you over to check... Once all the non-zombies have these on their cars, it will be much easier for us to focus on the real threat.
If you are sure you are NOT A ZOMBIE you need to LET THE WORLD KNOW! Send a Self-Addressed Stamped Envelope to our NOT A ZOMBIE coordinator, Rie Sheridan, at the address below.
Upon receipt of your request, you will be issued one of the following bumper stickers certifying your non-Zombie status:
Send your Self-Addressed Stamped Envelope and request to:
Not A Zombie Certification
c/o Rie Sheridan
P.O. Box 91466
Austin, TX 78709
(allow 2 weeks for delivery)
If you want more than one sticker, please enclose $1 to cover printing costs -- Hey, these things ain't free!
*You may still be eligible to be certified as NOT A ZOMBIE even if you vote based on the opinion held by your mother, father, CBS or some local newspaper's endorsement. While we here at the Stuck Pig Barbecue Restaurant encourage everyone to make informed voting decisions, we do recognize that there are lazy non-Zombies.
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